Good Riddance, Nick Burns

Nicholas Burns, the State Department’s number three diplomat and the man  whom  a reliable  source told me was the one  who blocked  implementation of the North Korean  Human Rights Act,  will step down for “personal reasons.”  Alas, the reasons are not known to include painful bleeding hemorrhoids, and so I must go on doubting  God’s existence. 

Burns’s legacy will include such notable accomplishments as  Iran’s nuclear bomb.  His replacement is the eponymous William Burns  (no relation) who has enjoyed such  great success as our ambassador to Vlad Putin that  all of the journalists  there have to employ  food tasters.