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AP Exclusive! North Korea’s nuke test a cry for peace

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again — AP Pyongyang has all the logic and perspective of KCNA Pyongyang and none of the guilty pleasures of KCNA’s prose.  

The way North Korea sees it, only bigger weapons and more threatening provocations will force Washington to come to the table to discuss what Pyongyang says it really wants: peace. [….]

North Korea has long cited the U.S. military presence on the Korean Peninsula, and what it considers a nuclear umbrella in the region, as the main reason behind its need for nuclear weapons. North Korea and the U.S. fought on opposite sides of the bitter, three-year Korean War. That conflict ended in a truce in 1953, and left the peninsula divided by heavily fortified buffer zone manned by the U.S.-led U.N. Command.

Sixty years after the armistice, North Korea has pushed for a peace treaty with the U.S. But when talks fail, as they have for nearly two decades, the North Koreans turn to speaking with their weapons.  [Jean H. Lee, AP]

I realize that Lee frequents a place where war is peace, but peace isn’t the first goal one would attribute to a regime that, less than four years ago, renounced the Korean War cease fire agreement, subsequently carried out two sneak attacks against South Korea, killing 50 of its citizens, and attempted to assassinate several defector-dissidents on South Korean soil.

Is this The Onion, you ask?  No, this is The Onion.

The idea that a peace treaty with North Korea is the solution to our problems with North Korea is nonetheless the stated position of a small pro-North Korean fringe, and just about no one else, no doubt because the negotiations would give that fringe the chance to support North Korea’s preconditions for said peace.  Still, I suppose it’s good to have clarity on where Lee stands.

For something a little better grounded in reality, see this Reuters analysis by Paul Eckert and Michael Martina:

A North Korean nuclear test draws international condemnation, modest U.N. sanctions and expressions of hope in the United States that China will finally rein in its brazen ally.

Beijing chides North Korea, but nothing much happens.

The world has seen this movie before and it’s likely to witness another rerun after North Korea’s third nuclear test on Tuesday.

See also this piece by Jeffrey Lewis and this one by Bruce Klingner, citing evidence that North Korea may already have a miniaturized and functional nuclear weapon that it can deliver on a missile.  Say what you want about the accuracy of North Korea’s long-range missiles; its short and medium range missiles are thought to be accurate and effective enough to pose a real danger to South Korea and Japan.

If that’s not bad enough, consider how many terrorist-sponsoring clients North Korea has in the Middle East for its nuclear and missile technology.  Claudia Rosett has an excellent summary in Forbes.

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AP Exclusive! Traitor to Fatherland Repents, Seeks Dear Leader’s Forgiveness! (Updated)

Scroll down for an update.

In an news conference attended by such respected international news services as Russia Today, The Global Times, the Korean Central News Agency, and the Associated Press, a traitor to the fatherland revealed that brigandish South Korean puppets finagled her away from the loving and ample man-bosoms of Dear Leader Kim Jong Un.

Pak Jong Suk made the account to local and foreign reporters Thursday at the People’s Palace of Culture in Pyongyang. The 66-year-old’s story could not be independently confirmed.

“I am an ingrate who had betrayed my motherland to seek better living while others devoted themselves to building a thriving nation, tightening their belts,” Pak, clad in a pink traditional Korean dress, told reporters in Pyongyang.  [AP, Author Undisclosed]

The reports do not indicate what, if any questions, the reporters asked, but the AP’s North Korean comrades, whose on-the-spot guidance allows the AP to report correct news about the DPRK, joined fellow journalists from the Rodong Sinmun in single-minded applause for the traitor’s sincere repentance. You did applaud didn’t you, comrade? And you, too, comrade translator, over there at your little desk?  Of course you did! Now here is a corn cake for each of your children.

[AP Photo by Comrade Kim Kwang Hyon, who is an Associated Press journalist!]

Due to the internet’s strict space limits, the AP was not able to include bylines in either that report or this one, so it was not immediately clear whether the AP’s North Korean comrades contributed to or wrote either story, whether they are among those pictured applauding here, or whether any non-North Korean AP journalists were present.

At the press conference, Mrs. Pak was joined by two of her loved ones:

Pak, 66, said she lived in South Korea before returning to North Korea by plane on May 25 because she became disillusioned with life in the South. She said defectors are paid by South Koreans to slander North Korea.

The circumstances of how she returned to the North were not clear. She said she lives now in Pyongyang with her son, a teacher, and his wife, who appeared at her side at the news conference, parts of which were later broadcast on state TV.

“When I deplaned, quieting my thumping heart, I was stunned by the cordial reception,” Pak said, revealing her surprise at how she was treated upon her return and contradicting foreign accounts of what happens to defectors repatriated to North Korea. [AP, Author Undisclosed]

Silly Ms. Pak.  Her heart thumped needlessly, for all DPRK citizens know that they have nothing to fear from their Leader and no reason at all to be surprised by His porcine embrace of joviality!  The DPRK’s leaders are ever kind and forgiving, even of such ingrates who would betray the fatherland!

At the conclusion of Mrs. Pak’s spontaneous remarks, she spontaneously burst into song, along with her loved ones who were obviously not at all afraid of the kind and loving leaders who watch over them and their families at every waking moment and as they sleep:

[Reformed Traitor Sings “My Unforgettable Path.” AP Photograph by Comrade Kim Kwang Hyon]

At the conclusion of the news conference, kindly authorities escorted all to a place of further debriefing where Mrs. Pak’s surviving grandchildren waited to embrace her.  All three generations will soon be reunited in their new state-provided accommodations.

The AP was the only U.S. news agency privileged to be present as the correct news was revealed.  Other western journalists continue to spread lies and slander about the DPRK for carrying out its just punishments in a manner that is wholly transparent to the general public, to better inform them of the fate that awaits absolutely does not await traitors, who are all treated well!

Last year, the AP’s Jean H. Lee became one of the first U.S. journalists to be invited to a totally-not-staged North Korean news conference, where DPRK citizens denounced the south Korean puppets for torturing them after their boat, which happened to be fishing near the south Korean maritime border with 20 women and 11 men aboard, strayed into south Korean waters.

As with other DPRK citizens who have betrayed the fatherland, none of the 27 DPRK citizens who later returned to the DPRK — or their children, or their parents — were immediately available for comment.

Although the AP routinely refuses to answer “sceptical” questions about its reporting in the DPRK, its exclusive coverage of Ms. Pak’s tearful, totally sincere, and completely voluntary statement and musical performance comports perfectly with the AP’s highest standards of ethical and “responsible” journalism.

According to the AP’s Statement of Ethical Principles, it shall “serve as a constructive critic of all segments of society.”  The authorities of the DPRK routinely escort AP journalists to all segments of society where the DPRK’s correct nature can be seen.  The AP is ever “mindful of the need to disclose potential conflicts,” of which there are none whatsoever, as we would assuredly see if the AP disclosed its memoranda of understanding with KCNA, and which the AP has not done because there are no potential conflicts of interest.

The AP did not immediately disclose its intentions to report on the health of Ms. Pak and her family next year, as it is currently not known which segment of society they will inhabit at that time.

Update 2 July 2012:

OK, getting serious here again, the AP has several correspondents in Seoul, but somehow, it never did tell us what really happened here.  It was the Dong-A Ilbo that did that for us:

A North Korean defector who returned to the Stalinist country and held a news conference Pyongyang Thursday was found to have returned to North Korea to save her son and daughter-in-law, who were forced to move to a mountainous village.

According to the essays, diary and photos of Park In-suk exclusively obtained by The Dong-A Ilbo on Friday, Park was upset over her son`s fate and considered returning to North Korea from 2010. She showed feelings of guilt toward her son in her essays and diary.

“Please forgive my life in which I have sinned against you (her son). I intended to resolve financial matters by meeting my father in China, but I ended up losing my reason and came to (the South)…abandoning my family,” Park said.

“I have ruined my son. I feel sorry for the parents of my daughter-in-law for committing a sin against her and Bun-i (assumed to be Park’s granddaughter). Tears turn into the sea.”

Dong-A found no circumstantial evidence from her writings that North Korea’s State Security Department had pressured Park. Her acquaintances also said she did not return to the North due to threats from the communist country’s security agency.

In the end, Park risked her life by pinning her hopes on the slim possibility that her return will change the life of her son amid uncertainty over his fate.

No wonder they all looked scared.  The regime didn’t have to say a word to Mrs. Pak.  She already knew what would happen to her son and his family.  In all likelihood, in the village where they would have been sent, food supplies are scarce, the labor is hard, and medical care is just about non-existent.  If I can see that, so could Mrs. Pak.

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