Category: Unintended Humor

Someone Call Guiness; Ask for the ‘Most Chutzpah’ Desk

[Update: Perfectly on cue, North Korea accuses Israel of “barbaric genocide.” There are times I think they read this blog.] “[This] is a reckless act, an inhumane act unprecedented in the world, and a dire human right violation!” We’re referring to none of the things that have probably crossed your mind by now, but Japan’s decision to deny entry visas to five North Koreans who sought to retrieve the remains of relatives who died in Japan 60+ years ago, and...

The Sunshine Policy Is Dead

I guess the whole protection racket thing was the last straw. Now they’ve even managed to rile South Korea’s UniFiction Minister, Lee Jong-Seok. Efforts to bring North Korea back to disarmament talks were in tatters on Thursday as Pyongyang stormed out of a meeting with the South and a senior U.S. diplomat left the region after a week of shuttle diplomacy. …. “The South side will pay a price before the nation for causing the collapse of the ministerial talks...

An Offer They Can’t Refuse

A few days ago, I offered a possible explanation for why North Korea launched seven missiles, despite the likely result that it would ultimately bring down an adverse response from the U.S., Japan, and other nations. According to my “Barrel of a Gun” Theory ©, North Korea launched those missiles to save face, to disguise an impending supplication as extortion for its domestic audience. And sure enough, North Korea is now demanding “protection” aid: North Korea’s Senior Cabinet Counselor Kwon...

At the U.N., Life Imitates ‘Team America’

Kim Jong Il: Hans Brix? Oh no! Oh, herro. Great to see you again, Hans! Hans Blix: Mr. Il, I was supposed to be allowed to inspect your palace today, but your guards won’t let me enter certain areas. Kim Jong Il: Hans, Hans, Hans! We’ve been frew this a dozen times. I don’t have any weapons of mass destwuction, OK Hans? Hans Blix: Then let me look around, so I can ease the UN’s collective mind. I’m sorry, but...

Korea, Where Life Imitates Monty Python

This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let’s not bicker and argue about who killed who. — Monty Python and the Holy Grail [P]ointing out mistakes and bickering over what is right and wrong is not helpful, and in the end the injury rebounds on the abduction victim and the victim’s family….” — Unidentified official, defending South Korea’s low-key reaction to a statement by South Korean abductee Kim Yong Nam, under the careful observation of North Korean minders, that...

News Flash: Kim Jong Il and Hitler Share a Fan Club

Continuing with our Nazi theme, a member of the Korean “Friendship” Association has registered his disagreement with my criticism of that group by illustrating the ease with which the extreme left and the extreme right accomodate to each other’s ideas (as if Mussolini’s conversion from Communism to Fascism weren’t evidence enough). For extra fun, there’s a photo lineup! I must say that the KFA has great potential for more material like this.

The Dictator on My Bar Napkin

Two recent news stories again raise the one of the most difficult questions free societies face: what role should governments play in limiting the expression of views that are tasteless, offensive, or which might even be lies designed to strip that society of its freedom? Let’s begin with some context. If the first casualty of prosperity is taste, a corollary to this rule is that the depth of affliction is proportional to the speed with which a society achieves prosperity....

The UniFiction Church Choir

Progress at Last! The last seven years of the Sunshine policy have finally secured a legacy Roh can campaign on. Goodbye “sea of fire,” hello, “deluge of fire!” I’d like to see those neocon skeptics deny that “deluge” beats “sea” any day of the week! This from the lovable North Korean site “Within Our Race” (a rough translation). ================ Who Stopped My Peace Train? My money is on this not being the last obstacle that bars the path of Kim...

In a Word, ‘Predictable’

Who haven’t we heard from yet? The Korean Teachers’ Union, which infamously celebrated 9/11 in [a] video for Busan schoolkids before the last APEC summit. I can hardly wait. — The Korea Liberator, April 10, 2006 “Hollywood movies like “˜Spider-Man’ and “˜Batman’ will dominate our movie industry and we will be brainwashed by American ideology.” — Actor Choi Man-Shik, brainwashing public high school kids at a KTU-sponsored harangue. The reception, overall, was mixed.

Had Enough Tokdo Yet?

Time Asia does a spot-on summary, if you can bear it. According to a report by Peter Beck, the Northeast Asia project director for the International Crisis Group, “One would be hard pressed to find a single Korean over the age of five willing to admit that control of Dokdo does not matter.” By contrast, says Hideshi Takesada, a professor of Korean politics at Japan’s National Institute for Defense Studies, “most people in Japan have no knowledge of the issue,”...

The Death of an Alliance, Part 36: FTA Meets WTF

Move over Weekly World News: Beware of the dragonfly: it may be a bugging robot disguised as a harmless insect. No, the advice does not come from a mental patient convinced the government is spying on his laundry bills: it was one of the security tips issued during last week’s two-day workshop for 120 Korean delegates in the nation’s impending free-trade negotiations with the U.S. The workshop was designed to help delegates guard their negotiation strategies from prying ears when...

Solidarity, anti-Imperialism, and Hot Babes!

Updated 5/28/06; scroll down. Are you a pompous, porcine, undistinguished single guy with delusions of grandeur, a penchant for dressing like an Austin Powers villian, and a vague resemblance to Lou Costello? The Dear Leader offers you a life of relevance, power, profit, petty burglary, more power, and (reportedly) joyous outbursts of song. Even better, he’ll will surround you with hot chicks, and this time, they can’t run away from you! All he asks of you is a willingness to...