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Category: WTF?

September 10, 2010

Ban Ki Moon, In One Quote

The Telegraph reports on the case of a Chinese diplomat working as Ban’s Undersecretary General for Economic and Social Affairs, who recently staggered into the glow of Diogenes’s lamp while on a retreat for U.N. commissars in Austria, with Ban Ki Moon in attendance. “I know you never liked me Mr. Secretary-General ““ well, I never liked you, either,” said Mr Sha as Mr Ban looked on, smiling and nodding awkwardly during the 15-minute toast attended by the UN’s top...

Categories China/WTF?
September 4, 2010

Funny, Donald Gregg is probably the last person I’d have asked for advice like this …

I can’t decide whether I’m more embarrassed for myself for having clicked this link, or for Gregg for being quoted right between the bartender and the shrink with the radio talk show, giving his advice on how to pick up chicks. Donald P. Gregg, former ambassador to South Korea “I think showing you have a sense of humor is a real door-opener. A willingness to be self-deprecating is often helpful. And remember that sometimes it’s a question of not saying...

Categories WTF?
June 30, 2010

North Korea Demands $65 Trillion Dollars from U.S. Government

In case you thought there was an end in sight to North Korea’s demands before it would agree to disarm: The Obama administration ridiculed North Korea on Friday for claiming $65 trillion from the United States in Korean War damages, saying the communist nation is an economic “basket case” due its own failed policies. Have the North Koreans actually looked at our balance sheets lately? While it’s probable that the Congressional Budget Office has been working nights to recompute our...

Categories Korean War/WTF?
June 29, 2010

The Monstrosity Industry

It is fairly common knowledge that Kim Jong Il deprives and starves his people to buy luxuries for himself and build monuments to his rule, but I did not know how many more luxuries and monuments he can now afford by selling luxuries and monuments to other statist tyrants. Only in Africa or the Middle East can Kim Jong Il still serve as a role model for great governance. According to the source, North Korea has earned $66.03 million from...

Categories Africa/WTF?
June 24, 2010

Great Moments in North Korean Fashion Design

In our last episode, we learned that Kim Jong-Il, cutting an “august” figure in his “modest-looking suits,” has “gripped people’s imagination and become a global vogue,” which I guess you can’t call entirely untrue. In today’s episode, women everywhere are tantalized by the thought of wrapping themselves in fashion designed by a government ministry. Da! The Garment Institute of the Ministry of Foodstuff and Daily Necessities Industry has recently designed new models of dresses suitable for women’s aesthetic tastes. The...

Categories WTF?
June 21, 2010

Kim Jong Il’s on-the-spot guidance does for North Korean soccer what it did for North Korean agriculture and industry

At last, something interesting has happened at the World Cup after all. The North Korean team was crushed by Portugal in the most lopsided World Cup score in eight years, eliminating North Korea from the competition, and greatly advancing my personal objective of ignoring the rest of the World Cup. The question on everyone’s lips now is whether the North Korean players or their families will face retribution for this loss. I really don’t know the answer to that, and...

Categories Kim Jong Il/Sports/WTF?
May 29, 2010

But the real question is how many South Koreans will actually believe this ….

Another day, another chutzpah record broken in Pyongyang: “The South Korean puppet regime’s faked sinking of the Cheonan has created a very serious situation on the Korean peninsula, pushing it towards the brink of war,” Maj. Gen. Pak Rim Su, director of the commission’s policy department, said at the press conference, according to broadcaster APTN. A number of people attended, including some foreigners who may have been Pyongyang-based diplomats, footage showed. A uniformed foreign military officer could be seen watching...

Categories Cheonan Incident/WTF?
May 17, 2010

Global Outrage as African Animals Are Treated Like North Korean Human Beings

It’s not just elephants that Zimbabwe is capturing and shipping to North Korea: Zimbabwe’s president Robert Mugabe has ordered that two of every animal species in the Hwange National Park be sent to North Korea as a gift to that country’s leader, Kim Jong Il. [Johannesburg Times] Conservationists say the President of Zimbabwe, Robert Mugabe, will send a modern-day ark, containing pairs of giraffes, zebras, baby elephants and other wild animals taken from a national park, to a zoo in...

Categories Africa/Interviews/Refugees/WTF?
May 13, 2010

Can you say, “kokiri kalbi?”

This is the cutest picture I could find. Two baby elephants intended as a gift to North Korea are unlikely to survive the journey by air, Zimbabwean conservationists said Thursday. The independent Zimbabwe Conservation Task Force said the 18-month-old elephants were being held in pens in the western Hwange National Park, along with pairs of most of the park’s other animal species bound for North Korea. The country is a longtime ally of Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe. [L.A. Times] As...

Categories Africa/WTF?
May 5, 2010

I regret to inform you that other commitments prevent me from joining your DMZ hike.

Memo to the Kyonggi provincial government: Is this really the ideal time to organize DMZ hiking excursions by people wearing bright red fishing vests and sun visors? This weekend, the government of Gyeonggi Province, which borders the DMZ, is unveiling a total of 182.3 km of courses in the area. It plans to post a map on its Web site and has started marking trails as part of a strategy to boost eco-tourism. “If you come and visit this area,...

Categories North-South/WTF?
May 3, 2010

Nork Submarines Invade Gulf of Mexico!

The best thing I can say for this is that it’s roughly 25% less dumb a typical 9/11 conspiracy theory: A grim report circulating in the Kremlin today written by Russia’s Northern Fleet is reporting that the United States has ordered a complete media blackout over North Korea’s torpedoing of the giant Deepwater Horizon oil platform owned by the World’s largest offshore drilling contractor Transocean that was built and financed by South Korea’s Hyundai Heavy Industries Co. Ltd., that has...

Categories WTF?
May 1, 2010

North Korea Releases White Paper on South Korean Human Rights, Hilarity Ensues

With such an abundance of great blogging material these days, KCNA has written what I can only describe as a screed for the ages. Even by KCNA standards, this simply re-sets the bar: The National Reunification Institute released a white paper Thursday indicting the fascist clique for having reduced south Korea to the land with the worst human rights record through sycophancy and treachery, fascist dictatorship and confrontation with fellow countrymen. Further down the litany of horribles: The puppet group...

Categories Propaganda/WTF?
April 8, 2010

Kim Jong Il, Global Fashion God

It’s moments like this when I most suspect that the people who write North Korea’s propaganda aren’t the hacks we’ve thought them to be, but are actually subtle, subversive, and satirical. Uriminzokkiri, quoting an article in communist party newspaper Rodong Sinmun, said the modest-looking suits have gripped people’s imagination and become a global vogue. “The reason is that the august image of the Great General, who is always wearing the modest suit while working, leaves a deep impression on people’s...

Categories Propaganda/WTF?
April 1, 2010

How Republican Stall Tactics Could Capsize Guam!

I really wish I could say this was an April Fool’s hoax or a Mensa audition gone horribly awry. Actually, it’s a hearing in the House Armed Services Committee: Which seems like a good time to mention that Senator Carl Levin is filled with angst over all the wise on-the-spot guidance our general officers are missing out on because of a Republican parliamentary stall tactic somehow related to health care collectivization reform: “Lives are at stake here. American lives and...

Categories U.S. Politics/WTF?
March 25, 2010

Aijalon Gomes Doesn’t Sound Much Like a Defector After All

Update, 24 March 2010: Well, KCJ’s first guess turns out to have been right. A Boston man detained in North Korea is a quiet, devout Christian so concerned about an American missionary held in Pyongyang that he was moved to tears at rallies protesting the communist regime, fellow activists said Wednesday. North Korea announced Monday that Aijalon Mahli Gomes, 30, would stand trial after entering the country illegally. The trial date was not mentioned in a brief report in state...

Categories Aijalon Gomes/WTF?