Thanks for Clearing That Up

Promotion of the regime's 'Root Out Rectal Polyps' Campaign proved less successful than expected. Kim Jong Il–or possibly an unknown person manipulating the strings attached to his wrists–has said that North Korea has no intention of invading the South. The bizarre context of this statement is an editorial criticizing South Korea’s new “independent” defense, which is the result of North Korea getting at least part of something it’s demanded for years–the withdrawal of U.S. troops.

Anyway, now that we have it from such an impeccable source that there is absolutely no danger, the USFK can leave any time, right? And when can we expect to see those 10,000 North Korean artillery pieces moved away from the DMZ? Soon, you say?