The Deepening Mystery of the Birthday Boy

Someone was conspicuously absent from his own party, at least judging by press reports so far. Yes, for some time now, we’ve been wondering who would appear on the reviewing stand to wave stolidly at the missile trucks. So here’s one theory we can’t quite put to rest just yet.

Oh, and in addition to spending millions on nuclear weapons, the world’s fifth-largest army, and a lavish celebration for a guy who might not even be in charge any more, how does a starving country spend its scarce resources?

North Korea was marking the 63rd birthday of its “dear leader” Kim Jong Il on Wednesday with feasts of pheasant and venison for the capital’s elite amid heightened tension on the Korean peninsula over the communist state’s nuclear weapons programs.

Kim’s birthday is a national holiday and festivities for residents of Pyongyang — the chosen elite allowed to live there only by being approved as loyal citizens to the regime–also were to include performances by circus and theater troupes, the North’s state-run TV reported Tuesday evening, monitored by South Korea’s Yonhap news agency.

Let them eat deer, as they say in the royal courts of Pyongyang, where the elites pick more meat out of their teeth than most North Koreans eat all year.

The unwashed masses of the hoi-polloi are not completely left out, however. They were reportedly issued extra rations of cold noodles and Victory Gin to dull the ecstasy of marking yet another year of the Dear Leader’s wise and benevolent care. How considerate.