Life (in North Korea) Imitates ‘The Onion’

What motivates me to go on, day after day, you ask?

NORTH Korea has declared it is actively pursuing a space program, amid reports from US and South Korean officials that Pyongyang is preparing to test fire a long-range missile.

Rodong Sinmun, the official daily of the ruling communist party, said the North had every right to develop a space program, as a member of the international community.

“The DPRK’s (North Korea) policy of advancing to space for peaceful purposes is a justifiable aim that fits the global trend of the times. There is no power in the world that can stop it,” the newspaper said in an editorial.

“As long as developing and using space are aimed at peaceful purposes and such efforts contribute to enhancing human beings’ happiness, no one in the world can find fault with them. [The Australian]

(HT: GI Korea)

All of which follows closely after this exclusive from America’s finest news source: “Kim Jong Il Announces Plan To Bring Moon To North Korea.”

The Moon has much to teach us. Listen closely as she whispers to you. [Kim Jong Il, via The Onion]

Related: Also from The Onion: North Korea Releases New Paintings Of Healthy Kim Jong Il:

“As anyone can see from these new murals, our Dear Leader is the very picture of health,” Foreign Ministry spokesperson Lee Myong Choi said of the 30-foot-high paintings, the artful brushstrokes of which showed the North Korean ruler confidently reading the current day’s newspaper. “Note his radiant, youthful complexion, the sheen of his jet-black hair, the glorious starburst which appears to radiate from the very center of his being. Our supreme commander will undoubtedly be with us for many centuries to come.” Lee later added that Kim was in such robust health that he was able to complete all of the new self-portraits in under an hour.

Not Necessarily Related: “Asian Teen Has Sweaty Middle-Aged-Man Fetish:”

Nakajima confessed to frequently searching the Internet to satisfy her insatiable appetite for round, greasy American men years past their sexual prime. A survey of her recent browsing history revealed such Google searches as “pale man lying on couch eating” and “retiree + jowls + hardcore.” The teen has also bookmarked several sites with lurid pictures of aging American males, including BuffaloBillsFanZone.com and the History Channel chat room.