Kim Jong Il Death Watch

You should read any report about Kim Jong Il’s health with skepticism. News of Great Fishwife’s health is surely among the most closely guarded of state secrets, the unguarded discussion of which must be punishable in some very harsh ways. The most obvious examples of nonsense stories of this kind were the reports that Kim Jong Il’s brain scan was intercepted by South Korean intelligence, or that after the stroke, Kim Jong Il had recovered to the point where he could brush his own teeth.

Last July, I’d allowed myself to be encouraged by reports that Kim Jong Il had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The reports conflict on whether this is in fact true, but it could be true. Though pancreatic cancer is usually caught late, those afflicted can survive for several years after a diagnosis.

I also got my hopes up over the aftermath of Kim Jong Il’s September 2008 stroke. The reports that a French doctor flew in to Pyongyang to disrupt Allah’s will seem credible. The reports of the stroke itself find some confirmation in subsequent photographs and video of His Dessicated Majesty. In the first post-stroke pictures of Kim Jong Il, he looked like he was in the HOV lane for the embalmer’s slab.

Rumors and reports of Kim’s imminent demise continued into the summer, when he looked awful and when multiple reports claimed that he was fading fast. He certainly didn’t look any better in early September, though our ghoulish vigil lost some momentum after Clinton said he looked healthy, which is of course what you’d expect Clinton to say publicly. Since then, he (Kim, not Clinton) has also missed at least one significant symbolic event. Yet I have a creeping fear that Kushibo could win the death pool. The worst effects of the stroke itself may have passed.

A persistent report we’ve heard over the years is that Kim Jong Il has kidney problems and needs dialysis. Fresh reports from Open News are now trying to raise my hopes all over again by suggesting not only that his kidney problems are worsening, but that Kim Jong Il is brushing off the advice of his doctors by drinking and smoking. Some of these reports are attributed to the right-wing Japanese newspaper Sankei Shimbun, which sources them to Japanese and South Korean intelligence.

Nevertheless, according to sources, what is more serious than the stroke complications is that this May, the complication from diabetes ““ kidney dialysis for chronic renal failure ““ has worsened that he has to receive kidney dialysis 2-3 times a week (Note 1). Right before receiving kidney dialysis, his body is in a frail state and once he receives kidney dialysis, his body recovers.

Secondly, as Kim Jong-il’s health has deteriorated, his doctors have recommended him to maintain a regular lifestyle but Kim Jong-il does not follow the advice too well. The sources say that Kim had a habit of working late into the night as he does not like to go to bed early and sleeping until late morning until 9 or 10 am. But at the very least it was a regular routine. However, starting last August, even this routine has been disrupted due to his preparations for the meeting with Clinton and Hyun Jung-Eun, to the extent that the doctors became concerned. As Kim Jong-il is a wielder of absolute power, even his doctors cannot control Kim Jong-il’s erratic lifestyle. (Note 2)

Thirdly, Kim’s mental health is also under considerable pressure. Kim Jong-il may seem fine upon a quick glance, but he has been under a mild depression ever since his stroke. He started drinking and smoking again as a result of this depression (Note 3). His doctors are trying to dissuade him from drinking and smoking but Kim only expresses irritation to the doctors’ interventions. In addition, he shows anxiety when it comes to making important policy decisions. [Open News]

A toast … to unification!

According to Open News’s sources, Kim Jong Il’s numerous appearances at factories and pig farms are not true inspections, but photo ops staged to maintain the appearance that Kim Jong Il is in good health. This much I had deduced on my own. After all, you could say that his health depends on keeping up those appearances.

Open News also reports, somewhat alarmingly for any man with the capability to kill hundreds of thousands of South Koreans with the tug of a few lanyards, that Kim Jong Il’s mental stability has been affected (but only slightly!).

What do I make of all of these questionable, often conflicting reports? That photographs are more trustworthy than rumors, and that even photographs have the obvious evidentiary limitation of possible regime fakery. Still, the overall picture suggests an unsteady but inexorable decline in Kim Jong Il’s health. Why else would an unready successor be rushed into production at a much younger age than his father, especially when he can’t possibly aspire to be anything more than a figurehead? The regime wouldn’t have begun a process this fraught with rivalry and instability, and so bereft of legitimacy, unless it felt a pressing and urgent need to do so.

Again, we ask the timeless question: If God exists and intervenes in human affairs, why doesn’t he plant bigger, chunkier clots and more aggressive tumors in awful people the world would be so much better off without? All that being said, I still adhere to my bold prediction that Kim Jong Il will die.