We Regret to Inform You That Your One-Way Ticket to Paradise is Non-Refundable

Back in late January, North Korea claimed that an American who feared becoming “cannon fodder in the capitalist [all-volunteer] military” had crossed over to the loving embrace of the relevant organ. Despite my own growing doubts about the story, the fact that the Swedes have since had two consular visits with him does suggest that he exists after all.

The U.S. State Department says North Korea has allowed Swedish diplomats to meet a U.S. citizen who has been detained for nearly two months for allegedly trespassing into the North from China. [Chosun Ilbo]

I’m guessing that being “detained” isn’t what this dude was expecting, but then, a society that goes to such extraordinary lengths to preempt natural selection will inevitably breed those who don’t learn from the experience of others.

Then again, your own mileage may vary. My own years as “cannon fodder in the capitalist military” were largely spent in overheated courtrooms or on the deck of my bachelor pad, taking in the reflection of the trains, pleasure boats, and expressways on the Han River at night … all the more reason for me to respect those who spent their service dodging IED’s along Route Irish. I would have guessed that either experience would register higher on most fun meters than captivity in North Korea, at least until I read this. Now, I’ll just reserve judgment.

Still, my intuition tells me that this cretin, whoever he is, isn’t presently tied to a chair getting lap dances from a squad of scantily uniformed hotties with feather dusters. No, I tend to suspect the conditions of his captivity are a bit more spartan than that.